A friend told me the other day she really missed reading my blog posts and it really resonated with me because I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and how I’ve been slacking. So much has happened since the last time I wrote a post so it’s too much to go into. I’ll start with the overview of where I am at today. Yesterday I ran my first half marathon of the year. It was slow, but I did it. This race meant more to me than any other halves because this is after doctors discovered I had a pulmonary embolism and deep vein thrombosis. More simply, I had blood clots. That could have killed me. I was not supposed to run for three months and this devastated me. I had so many races planned, a full year of them including running 5 half marathons 5 days in a row. My training was going great for it too. Against doctors orders I started running again because I soon ‘felt fine’ and was in a deep depression from not being able to run. Until one of my doctor’s actually yelled at me, scaring the shit out of me that I could have died if a piece of the clot broke off. It was scary to think I loved and missed running so much that I actually put my life on the line for it.
February 27 was the day I landed in the ER and hospital for the clots. Exactly 3 months later, May 27 I got the word the PE & DVT were gone! I still have to this day a superficial clot in my lower right calf, but my doctor says it poses no danger. I ran the Baltimore 10 miler a week later after being cleared for running. This was the first race I ever ran back in 2013 and felt this need to continue the tradition. Plus this year they were actually giving medals too! I sure as hell couldn’t miss that. It took me 2:21 to run 10 miles (I used to do it in 1:37). But I did it! Next up I did Quadzilla in July and only missed my time from last year by 3 minutes. That showed me how far I started to come. August 1 I started marathon training for the Philly marathon on November 20. And looking at my schedule I got this crazy notion to do the Baltimore marathon first on October 15.
But yesterdays VIA half marathon was a ‘training run’. And it scared the shit out of me. I ran it slower than my 16 miler the week before, although the temps yesterday started hot & humid and then turned into what was a beautiful day. Wish the entire race was like that. But I looked at my accomplishment first as ‘man, my time really sucked’ and I ‘only’ did the half marathon. Are you kidding me? This is what I was concerned about? My stats are to the right. And let me point out that I turn 40 in November and cannot wait to be in the 40-44 age bracket. Sick almost. HA!
But if I am really looking at ‘time’ there are some major components I need to observe. 1) Yes, I am that Fat Girl Running. Since dealing with ED, I put on close to 45 pounds of weight I’d lost. I’m down 20 pounds now over a six month period while staying clean. It hasn’t been easy. This was the blubber from back in January! I have about 20 more to go to put me back at a better racing weight. You can see the difference the most in my face. I’ll always have the large stomach which is actually sagging skin from losing the weight over the years. More importantly though, I need to actually just stop thinking about time and weight and enjoying the runs like I used to. I started running for the freedom it gave me. The feel of that high when I had finished. That “runner’s high”. Somewhere along the line, I lost that a bit as I became consumed with running for training and time and not fun. It took me halfway through yesterday’s race to remember a conversation I had with a fellow friend and runner Tracy over lunch at Subway one day. Time doesn’t matter she said. Look at what you are accomplishing. Be a #goaldigger. Here words stung me at about mile 6 yesterday and I finally started taking in the scenery around me and enjoying my run. Who cared what my watch said! I was having fun (which hopefully when the pictures come back, they captured some of those moments).
This weekend I gave up going to see Adele to run a half marathon. Many people would think that was crazy. Why the hell would someone that loves Adele and could actually get tickets to her concert do that? Because I needed to prove something to myself. I needed the race environment. I needed to run in the heat (so when I run in cooler weather it feels so much better) and I needed to remind myself that nothing can hold me back. I am a Fat Girl Running but not even a Pulmonary Embolism can kill me. I have a lot of miles left to run in my lifetime!